It has been a very long time since I wrote anything, and during this time my life has dramatically changed.
The last post was so strange, when I read it now I cannot believe that was me. I took on God and I did not realize it with my mind, but my soul knew exactly what it was doing.
God was a bit upset off course and he put me in my place, but not in the way I thought he would. He shook me, to the very darkest pit of my soul.
It all started one morning on my way to work as I pleaded alone with Him in my car, in a desperate “last” attempt to get some clarity into why I can not find God, or understand life for that matter. AND Why I had this horrible dark pit inside of me. I was so far lost, that no words can explain clearly how black my black was. Yes on the outside I was always smiling, what else is there? You must put on your brave face and just go on I had a daughter and I had to look after her no matter what. That morning in my red little car, I had enough. God you pop up everywhere in my life but all I have is depression and anxieties, resentment and memories of horrific events. I read and read and read, meditate and heaven only knows what other nonsense to try and find YOU, but you just never come closer to me. When I had a minute that morning I wrote the poem I posted on my blog and just tried to get through the day.
The months that followed seem to only happen in books and as my life now unfolds, I often sit back in awe. I feel I need to tell my story, I need to first have a conversation with God on what He thinks I should share and if anything. He has given me the gift of words and if I am to write my journey, it needs a divine Guide.
I have missed all the blogging friends, and also missed reading and sharing......please take care and I hope 2014 is a blessed year for everyone.