Thursday, January 02, 2014

When God decides it's enough.

It has been a very long time since I wrote anything, and during this time my life has dramatically changed. 
The last post was so strange, when I read it now I cannot believe that was me. I took on God and I did not realize it with my mind, but my soul knew exactly what it was doing. 

God was a bit upset off course and he put me in my place, but not in the way I thought he would. He shook me, to the very darkest pit of my soul.  

It all started one morning on my way to work as I pleaded alone with Him in my car, in a desperate “last” attempt to get some clarity into why I can not find God, or understand life for that matter.   AND Why I had this horrible dark pit inside of me.  I was so far lost, that no words can explain clearly how black my black was.  Yes on the outside I was always smiling, what else is there?  You must put on your brave face and just go on I had a daughter and I had to look after her no matter what. That morning in my red little car, I had enough.  God you pop up everywhere in my life but all I have is depression and anxieties, resentment and memories of horrific events.  I read and read and read, meditate and heaven only knows what other nonsense to try and find YOU, but you just never come closer to me.  When I had a minute that morning I wrote the poem I posted on my blog and just tried to get through the day.

The months that followed seem to only happen in books and as my life now unfolds, I often sit back in awe.  I feel I need to tell my story, I need to first have a conversation with God on what He thinks I should share and if anything.  He has given me the gift of words and if I am to write my journey, it needs a divine Guide.

I have missed all the blogging friends, and also missed reading and sharing......please take care and I hope 2014 is a blessed year for everyone.


Charles Gramlich said...

Hope your 2014 is awesome. Sounds like it's off to a good start.

Inconsequential said...

Long time no visit...

Hope all is good.

Drizel said...

Hey In, so good to Hear from you.
Been a very long time.
Are you well?