Monday, October 22, 2012

The night will call you by your name.

I have decided to start writing a book here.....and as and when I see fit to combine it and maybe actually do something with it.

So here I Go:  Chapter 1 Part 1


The room is cold as she enters her breathing leaves a cloud of frost behind, she slowly proceeds.  There is a soft light from the moon flirting through the broken windows, there are many shadows forming corners of deception, but she continues inwards.  This place has not seen any human breathe in years, the stale smell of mold fills the air.    To the left is a mountain of blankets, and silk like clothes, stacked like a bed, candles all around it, a frown forms on her face and she carefully walks closer.

She is here to confront him about the deaths in and around the city center, but whom else is he expecting?  The informant said he has some inside information he would like to share with her.  She carefully and slowly walks into the direction of the candle throne.   Her breathe slows down and she assesses the area for any clues.  Her eyes follow the candles, everything seems brand new, and what message is he trying to send?  Is the message even destined for her viewing?

“Stop where you are, Estella”  a deep voice echoes from the shadows behind her. She stops a cold sweat burst through her skin as she realizes who it is.  It is not the informant, he tricked her, it is Agenor.  His strong presence fills the room and nearly knocks her off her feet.  His strength can be sensed by every hair on her body as they rise in fear.  There is no escape as she frantically looks around the room.  Trying not to show her fear she slowly turns around, he has never allowed anyone to see his face and she knows she is in explainable danger now.

8 comments:

the walking man said...

It's Ok Driz but look at it for spelling first. then look at it for verbs that can be cut and then adjectives. Give your reader credit for knowing that if she is in the room she is going to be moving through it. If the windows are broken will the room still be moldy or musty smelling?

I am not trying to dissuade your effort here but if I were you I would write this story at my desk on a document not my blog. *shrug*

Yeah I know i talk too much.

Brian Miller said...

ooo nice tension...pretty cool opening to the book...getting right into the action...

saw you in the sidebar of another blog and actually thought you were someone else...glad i read any way

Drizel said...

Thanks Walking man, please do share your thoughts I wrote only poetry for way too long......makes sense about the smell.....hmmmmm.....I have to get insight into my work, and on my desk where only I read it no one will comment(like you) that will open my mind ;)
Thanks Brian please stop by again :)

Charles Gramlich said...

Enjoyed the imagery and set up here. I like wehre this is headed. I'd echo Mark by suggesting that you might want to shorten many of these sentences. In a lot of places where you have commas connecting various thoughts, a period might work better.

Drizel said...

Well I think I need to maybe think everything through a bit better and fix it as I go along. Thanks again Mark and Thank you Charles.

SaM-GiRL said...

You've always had talent! So far so good!

Drizel said...

Thanks girly. I have continued just not posted will see when I can post. :)

Mario Martinez said...

Hi Drizel! Great writing. Reads like a screenplay. Wishing you a wonderous 2013. Happy new year! And keep writing!