Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Self help.

She often wondered what she did wrong to bring her to this place. All the self help books these days are very clear that you create your own life. They shout from the TV screens be what ever you want by your own designer thoughts. So being homeless, hungry, poor is your own thoughts. Really, can it be that easy?

Her life was never what she wanted, she was raped as a teenager and that shaped everything. She could not really love any man, their violent ways and smell stuck to her mind like a summer haze. She smell the stench in their sweat and felt the dampness in their breath. She did not choose that, or did she? Therapy helped her cope, that's all you need to do count the days you cope. Days turn into years.
She did not choose that day, maybe it chose her. The days there after where hate and addiction followed her everywhere was her own, that she chose.
She never told a soul, so of course everyone judged her actions. How can a intelligent, creative, well brought up young woman destroy herself? Destroy her parents they have worked so hard to give her everything. The shocking truth sometimes everything is nothing.

She does her day job, as this is what is expected of her. She goes to work in the slow moving traffic, little robots of society. She sits at her desk types her reports, and go home. Count the day, she coped.

Sometimes anger flares up and she thinks that if she shoots him; "Kill him like he killed her" maybe then she wont cope and start to live again. Then tears roll down her face and she realize she had her chance to fight that day, but she never did, she let him do this.

So finding him now and shooting him now, will just be something else to cope with.

She will continue to count the days, read self help books, and pray one of them will actually be the help she needs.

5 comments:

the walking man said...

It may have been written as fiction but you know as well as I that youth today is an extremely much more dangerous time than when we saw our teen years vanish to adulthood.

Cope my ass, self help books...those are for profit bullshit that may or may not have worked for some other person.

When I need to work an issue out I find something, a cause, a person, a situation and fight like the bull in the arena. I know I will die in the end but I just might get a shot in that makes it all worth the effort.

laughingwolf said...

well said!

life often imposes unwanted events/people on us, none of us would choose... what we do about it IS a choice...

Charles Gramlich said...

There are many ways to try and cope, I guess. Most will not work for any particular person. You hope you find a way that will. This poem expresses the way a lot of folks feel, I imagine. I have felt somewhat this way myself. I'm lucky not to right now.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

this is an amazing post, this is one of the truths that are not shared well in culture among people, and that is the saddest part of culture. Our humanness is the best thing going for us and yet we all run from it like the plague and you share with your writing the truth of who we are, what we may long for and dream or desire,...the shadow and the light, and I for one, thank you. xo

Drizel said...

@Walking man: Your words always makes a difference in the arena of life. I find many wisdom there. Yes you are right fiction is what we call stuff when we don't always want the world to see, but in the end of the day life is hard, and sometimes terrible. So we smile and try again. And self help books, I agree, but in the end of the day we all just want to be ok:)
@Wolf, yes this is true....we choose our actions:)
@Charles: I think as the years pass we come to understand that nothing really matters but the love we have for our family. In our youth(I am still young, but my soul is older) we are confused about ourselves, about what we want and need, all the external stimilus just makes it worse. Then years roll by and you get to accept yourself, and the calmness takes over....well for me that is what's happening anyways:)
@Gabriella thank you so much it means the world to me that my words speak:) I am very happy to have you here:)