Wednesday, July 23, 2008

digesting my poetry


I have decided to start digesting my poetry and getting the best of. Reason? To get it together in a book.....I think I can do this. Any comment would be greatly appreciated:)

So the first digestion.

Some kind of lust.

Some kind of taste;
Some kind of beautiful,
Met some kind of hate.

The rules changed,
when pictures took life.
I was scared,
broken, maybe beaten.
Too smart?
Deserved better.
The only decision; take it all with blood, hate
and glory.

What is love?
Some kind of life.
Met some kind of death.

I gave it all up.

to be the one.
touched,
slowly tasted,
broken into bite size
pieces.

lust me not.
Love me once,
Some kind of perfect;
Met some kind of beauty
everything left in some kind of vain.
If only I had some kind of life.

14 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

I like it, as I like all your stuff. My only suggestion if you are thinking of publishing this, is to save "some kind of Life" for the end line. Using it earlier in the poem, it seems to me, weakens it at the end.

etain_lavena said...

ooooo very true Charles.....will defo look at that:)

Brian said...

Love you, you know that.

((((((hugs))))))

Steve Malley said...

I don't know much about poetry, but your stuff often gives the chills. Do you read lots of poetry?

etain_lavena said...

Love you too, brian. Yes steve i do read quite a bit of poetry,do love it lots!

Sidney said...

Very nice!

Inconsequential said...

:)

A crit session?

I'm not sure I understand your style enough to crit...

Liking a style and or peice and being qualified to critic it, well, there's a task..

Susan Miller said...

Sign me up for the book, etain. I'd definitely buy it!!!

Inconsequential said...

:)

In the midnight hour she cried...


:)

JR's Thumbprints said...

While you've turned to poetry, I've turned to flash fiction. I agree with Charles, save "some kind of life" for the end. For some reason I've got that song, "Some Kind of Wonderful" stuck in my head; I believe it's from the repetitiveness.

Claudia said...

I love this. Absolutely love it.

M@ said...

What happened to Etain Lavena?

etain_lavena said...

I had to look after myself for a while but I think I need to return I miss writting I miss blogging.

the walking man said...

Repeating the word "some kind of" in the first two lines distracts me...I would replace it with a different three syllables..."bittersweet" maybe? With the semi colon the pause works with just about any three syllables.

And I agree that the third verse should be moved to the be the wrap up. It is the most powerful verse of the piece.