Saturday, March 10, 2007
The pace of my heart is ruling my instinct I need to get there a fast. Before it is too late before the blood is spilled and before I have done the worst thing of my life. Why does the road not get shorter? Why is every idiot in a car on the road in front of me? Change traffic light, change! My car cannot go any faster, the peddle is stuck under the car mat. My word can these people not understand the urgency of the matter, that I need to get there, I need to get there before it is too late.
I decided on this because he always fuck’s around, he never respects me, and I am left alone every night while he hangs around at bars. His job he says, I know he is a beverage rep. I know it is our income, but if you smell of booze and cheap perfume, then climb into bed with me and call me Alice it gets too much. I have stood by him trough so much, his mothers cancer death, his father’s suicide soon after. I never complained not once did I ask for something in return. Now that I want something he went out and gave it to someone else. I know the doctor said I might get pregnant; I can’t help if God gave me a faulty uterus. I go out of my way to please him sexually. The thanks I get, an Alice woman phoning me saying that he made her pregnant. The one thing I so badly wanted: a child. He gave our child to his whore. I am so sick of this traffic can I only get there. I wanted him dead, so dead that I could see his blood on the floor, every piece of life out of him.
That was all before I had a chat with Alice on the phone about ten minutes ago, she wants us to have the baby and she does not want to interfere. Now to get to the house before Jim the Giant gets a hold of him. I better not be too late then I would have brought this upon myself. I still won’t forgive him, but at least we will have a child to mend our marriage.