Thursday, March 01, 2007

Convince yourself

This morning
Your such a coward, can't even do your job. Why do you even try, you know your going to fail. Look in the mirror do you think this is a posture of a strong, amazing, intelligent man, you know the answer is NO.
You better start thinking of taking that gun off the shelve and finishing your sorry excuse of a brain. You see the tears streaming down your face, you can not go on, we all know this.

He walks out the door with a sad look in his eyes, there is no one worse than him, and the man must always listen to him. He cannot get away.

This afternoon
You will never make your deadline, look at the piles of paperwork, you know you are stupid, why do you even try. Stupid man, stop trying to fool yourself, your report is a disgusting lack of intelligence. You wasted your fathers money by studying economics you haven't sold any good stock in months.
Cry again, that's all you always do is cry. If it is not tears streaming in the mirror, it is blood from your heart.

He stands up and walks to the coffee machine, he feels tired and used up. Why does it always have to be so negative, and hurtful. He has never done anything to upset him.

This evening
Yes, go home alone to your lonely apartment with your perfect furniture. Then maybe you can waist your brain on the leather couch, you adore so much. Walk faster you won't shake me off. Show your face are you crying again, you pathetic man.
You will never have a family, you will die alone and bitter. Just end it tonight!

He bumps into a woman by accident, she falls to the floor.
"I am so sorry, I did not see you."
He reach for her, she takes his hand and her hand disappears in his.
"It is ok."
Their eyes meet. She has the soft shade of grey in her eyes and the light that shimmers in them are fascinating. Her hair is over her left eye and she brushes it away.
"Did I hurt you?": he says with a painful concern.
"No, but you can buy me coffee to help me forgive you."
Her smile is so playful, so sweet and perfect.
"I need to, hmmm"...
"Take a chance" she says.
"Tonight may be your last night".

It sometimes only takes a small event to help someone that is fighting an internal struggle. a Smile really takes no effort.


Ps said...

LOVED the picture.Fabulous.Expresses entire paragraphs.Is it your art work?

etain_lavena said...

No my words is my art, and I am the queen of google can find anything in no time.
Thanks for comment:)

Brian said...

What a moving and brave story. So many of us have had this soundtrack in our minds.

Smile, smile, smile.

Thanks for the birthday wishes for Diane. :)

etain_lavena said...

hihihihi...thanks for the smiles:)

FelineFrisky said...

I have heard this over and over again through the years. How brave of you to put it on screen for us to realize how absurd it sounds.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. D :)

etain_lavena said...

Always pleasure to send B day wishes....I am always struggling with my own internal things. A good friend showed me to write about it, I might work trough it, he always stand on a hill and watch me;)

doragon said...

Loved it. It's true a smile goes a long way.

etain_lavena said...


Claudia said...

Once again...amazing stuff. You really did a great job of nailing that inside voice!!

Matt said...

It really does. Suffering from my own problems I sometimes forget all about human dignity. I'm still upset about the jerk who cut me off in traffic yesterday morning.

It's not fair for us to exist as relatively intelligent beings sentenced to death and subject to the cruelties of bioligical life....

We should live like gods.

Charles Gramlich said...

Sometimes a smile is all I can manage. And even then it's an android smile, locked to the surface.

Wayne Allen Sallee said...

again i agree with charles. there is always very little i can add; it would be like criticizing a great writer simply out of spite.

Inconsequential said...


etain_lavena said...

Claudia, the inside voice talks to all of us:)
Matt I agree, but you need to create your own kingdom.
Smile, it good even if it is forced...whahahah...Charles.
Wayne, don't be silly:)
Thanks IN:)

Donsie said...

dit is so waar wat jy se...

etain_lavena said...

die waarheid is al wat ek het koeks:)

Inconsequential said...

had another read, it's still cool, in fact it's a very good piece.

etain_lavena said...

Thanks IN:)